yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
