He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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