Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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