I hate all girls vehemently.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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