I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
