I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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