hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
