and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
