i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
