he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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