Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
