Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
