he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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