I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
