Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
