using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
