I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
