She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
