I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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