i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
