I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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