you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
