it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They are going to name an STD after you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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