No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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