She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
