Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
