yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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