Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
