I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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