Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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