I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
