just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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