Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
