we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize