My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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