It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
