Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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