MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
