I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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