I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
