I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
