Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
