Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
