never play flip cup with pint glasses
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to cum in my sink.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
