I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want her autograph on my taint
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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