nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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