So squirting runs in the family.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
