Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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