Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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