The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
