i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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