Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
