theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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