mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
