Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
