I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
