Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
