i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
