Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
