He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
