Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
