I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
