1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
