You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
