i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
