Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
