It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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