All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
