I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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