I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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