im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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