My sheets look like a crime scene.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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