I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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