More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
