She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
