if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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