My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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